I think there's a lot of confusion about terms like freedom and autonomy in our culture, generally speaking. And a lot of fear of what might happen if we back off being highly controlled. I see this all-or-nothing thinking a lot in religious contexts when it comes to deprioritizing rules.
I just listened to an episode of the If Books Could Kill podcast about Tiger Mom by Amy Chua. They cited research that parents who aligned with more conservative politics (and authoritarian culture in general) also identified controlling/authoritarian parenting as better. It makes sense this would overlap with religious contexts as well . . .
I think when parents say “but kids need limits and consequences", what they really mean is that they think kids need punishment. This is something I've noticed from a lot casual conversations with other parents about discipline. The idea that a kid's behaviour must be shaped, at least in part, with negative reinforcement, like a lab rat, is pervasive. They don't think it counts as a "consequence" otherwise.
That is an excellent point, Katie. I completely agree. I have taken time in my talks to parents to differentiate punishment from discipline because I think they are often conflated. So much confusion in the world of parenting guidance to untangle!
I think there's a lot of confusion about terms like freedom and autonomy in our culture, generally speaking. And a lot of fear of what might happen if we back off being highly controlled. I see this all-or-nothing thinking a lot in religious contexts when it comes to deprioritizing rules.
I just listened to an episode of the If Books Could Kill podcast about Tiger Mom by Amy Chua. They cited research that parents who aligned with more conservative politics (and authoritarian culture in general) also identified controlling/authoritarian parenting as better. It makes sense this would overlap with religious contexts as well . . .
I think when parents say “but kids need limits and consequences", what they really mean is that they think kids need punishment. This is something I've noticed from a lot casual conversations with other parents about discipline. The idea that a kid's behaviour must be shaped, at least in part, with negative reinforcement, like a lab rat, is pervasive. They don't think it counts as a "consequence" otherwise.
That is an excellent point, Katie. I completely agree. I have taken time in my talks to parents to differentiate punishment from discipline because I think they are often conflated. So much confusion in the world of parenting guidance to untangle!